2.07.2009

Senta, deita, rola...

... Mas fingir de morto, nem a pau!


Se tem uma coisa que m'enerva é ter que ficar quieta em determinadas situações - tá bom, confesso, em qualquer situação.
Eu não tenho o dom do silêncio, nem da paciência, nem da indiferença. O que eu tenho mesmo é a impulsividade, a explosão, a língua comprida, a voz irritante e alta, a indignação, a mania de perseguição e a certeza de que eu sou a maior vítima desse meu comportamento.

Minha mãe me joga na cara até hoje as minhas respostas cabeludas em público toda vez que alguém me contrariava. Mas minha mãe não é um bom exemplo pra eu colocar aqui, afinal, ela joga qualquer coisa na minha cara, inclusive quando eu espirro ela não me fala "saúde" (já faz uns 11 anos), só porque uma vez eu contei pra ela que a professora tinha dito que isso era falta de educação.
O que me contaram é que eu fui uma criança bem chatinha, do tipo que não há punição que conserte (nem a Super Nanny Bicho Papão me venceria). Fui daquelas crianças que começam e espernear e gritar no meio do restaurante, do shopping, igreja, festinha, no meio da rua e que, quando tomam um beliscão, puxão de orelha ou tapa na bunda gritam e esperneiam mais ainda, dessa vez com mais palavrões.

Hoje em dia eu tenho vontade de afogar essas crianças. Deve ser remorso...
Se bem que eu ainda sou assim, tirando a parte de espernear em público e apanhar. Eu ainda faço (muito) drama, xingo meio mundo, grito, me jogo no chão etc.
Eu sempre perco o controle e machuco aqueles que eu amo. E os que não amo também.
Eu sou reativa. Não me vejo de outra maneira, não me vejo ponderando as coisas. Essa é uma imagem que eu não tenho, infelizmente.

E o pior disso tudo é que, mesmo sabendo que eu não mereço, eu sempre consigo tudo vencendo pelo cansaço, pela gritaria, pelo comportamento mimado e manipulador.
É, manipular as pessoas é o que eu faço melhor. Mas por favor, leitor, não me julgue mal. Apesar das minhas perturbações e meus lapsos de falta de respeito e consideração eu faço tudo pelas pessoas que me cercam, quero o melhor pra eles e não deixo - nem por um segundo - que eles se esqueçam que eu os amo.

Bom, chega de ladainha por hoje. Vou deixar minha máscara cair em doses homeopáticas pra não assustar, ok?
Brincadeirinha!!!

18 comentários:

Godofredo, ops, Ju disse...

Oh my god, vc é um montro, suzana cunha!!!

ahhaha, té pareceeee....

foi um belo texto... mas vc falou pouco dos seus pontos positivos...

ta lindo, o blog ta demais, viu!

bjo

Suzana disse...

Ah, o foco não são meus pontos positivos. Mesmo porque é quando você erra que as pessoas não se esquecem.

Ju disse...

entendi o raciocinio.....e isso é uma verdade mesmo, é o lado negativo q pesa mais. fazer o que...

lambisgoia e cuide-se... hahaha

Gaby Almeida disse...

Todos temos defeitos... eu sou vingativa, fria.... ja fui mais parecida c vc, bem explosiva... mas vi q ganho mais pensando antes de falar ou fazer qualquer coisa, aprendi a agir c a razão no lugar da emoção, me tornei uma pessoa mais fria por isso, mas faz parte...

Gaby Almeida disse...

Obg Su(posso te chamar assim?)...
axo q hj meu copo está meio cheio...
hehehhehheeheh
tentando começar a ver o lado bom de tudo....

bjus

vitorjbm disse...

Não tinha lido o post ainda.
Bom, eu fui diferente de vc. Sempre fui daquelas crianças que não choram, nao gritam e quando ouvem um não param qualquer coisa. Em certo ponto foi bom pq eu nao dei mto trabalho, mas em outro ponto foi ruim, pq as vezes nao sei me defender energicamente, saca?
Eu acho a gente parecido apesar do passado bem diferente. Vai saber, vai ver que é a falta de sinceridade desse mundo adulto, ou o superego batendo no peito e na mente.

Ow, e vc escreve mto bem, viu. To gostando.

Beijo

Suellen disse...

Nossa que pessoa você é!

Deve ser aquela personalidade difícil de ser esquecida... eu também era uma criança assim... e continuo com meus dramas e pirraças, conseguindo tudo no choro. É difícil ser assim, porque muitas vezes machucamos que não queríamos.
Mas é assim mesmo, é a vida, são as pessoas

Adorei seu blog!
Beijo

Fê! disse...

Olá Suzana tudo bom? Estava passando por alguns e acabei achando alguns blogs e AMEI este texto, tem tudo a ver comigo e com coisas que eu gostaria de dizer... Posso roubá-lo e colocar lá no blog? =D Bjus

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